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Grief Is Different For Each Of Us

What I consider to be among the most important points to keep in mind as we grieve. The idea is this - we must always remember that each of us will grieve our losses in unique ways, and because of this, our journey through grief is one that can only be known as it unfolds before us, as it is experienced. There is no one who can tell you what your grief will be like, and there is no one who can (or should) tell you what your grief should be like. As hard as it is to face this truth, you are on your own separate journey when you grieve and mourn a loss. Your journey will take you to emotions and places that may or may not be familiar to you, and to emotions that others may or may not feel as a part of their grief experience. Your grief will be unique. It will be determined in part by your personality style, and through the confluence of many other important factors. All of this is to say that even when several people lose the same person (for example, their father), each of these bereaved persons will experience that loss in a uniquely personal manner. We must remember then that our grief is a reflection of who we are. As such, others may not understand nor appreciate all (or even some) of what you are going through. We may sometimes think that because we are feeling sad, or lonely, or afraid, or angry, that others should be feeling these emotions also. It can be helpful to keep in mind that your reactions are entirely valid for you, just as the grief reactions of others are valid for them, given their relationship with the deceased person and their life history. So, as you experience the rising and falling tides of all of the different emotions of grief and loss for you, remember that these emotions are your unique way of dealing with your loss. Respect that the mourning process will lead you to eventual healing, and that we heal by facing the pain of our losses through our entirely valid emotional reactions. As always, to those mourning a loss, I wish you well in your journey(s) through grief.

Grief Counselor, Dr. Steven Bailley
Grief Counselor
The purpose of these articles is to provide interested readers with information and thoughts about loss, grief, mourning, and grief counseling. A variety of grief-related topics have been covered. It is my sincerest hope that you will find the information presented here to be of interest and assistance to you. If there are specific topics of interest that you would like to see added in the future, I welcome you to email me with your suggestions. If you have a need to talk with me, please call me at my office at (713) 914-9944.
Collection of papers and articles on grief, and coping with grief
The need to express our grief… Grief is Different For Each of Us The emotions of grief: Guilt
Grief, Mourning and Grief Counseling The Experience of Grief The Emotions of Grief: Anger
Reactions from others… The Seasons of My Heart The emotions of grief: “I feel like I’ve lost control of myself.”
The Closeness of Mortality Ambivalence
A 'Grief Journal' Grief After Suicide
Research and clinical experience support the idea that many bereaved individuals gain benefit from grief counseling. Ideally, counseling can help people to cope as adaptively as possible during difficult times that follow a loss, and can also assist in bringing grief to a more adequate resolution. Should you decide to explore the possibility of seeking professional assistance, at any time following your loss, I welcome you to contact me to explore this option (appointments and fee schedule are available upon request). Every person is unique, and I will work with you to assist you in coping with your specific needs. At this most difficult time in your life, I wish to extend to you my sincerest condolences for your loss.

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